god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize