remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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