Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
