we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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