So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
