So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
