I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
