i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
