I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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