Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
