I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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