i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
