i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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