the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Be still, my beating vagina.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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