You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
