Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize