Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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