this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
