at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My bed smells like the plague
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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