I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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