Im at strip club and am horny
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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