i think my tv is drunk
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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