Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
