We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
