Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
