Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize