I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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