Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
