How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
