You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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