He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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