Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
