I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
