A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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