So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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