just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
