does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
