Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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