i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
