my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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