I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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