I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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