I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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