when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
