Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
