I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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