Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
