i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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