Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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