Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
