I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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