He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize