Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
