i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
