I wish I could teleport
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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