Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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