I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
