she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize