You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
