Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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