My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize