You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
