You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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