We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
