dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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