I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
