Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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