When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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