Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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