well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize