dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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