You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
