U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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