he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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