ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I touched a dick in church today
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
