he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
